Thankful!!!

I'm not really sure how to begin this blog because my thoughts are kind of a mess. So this should make for some interesting reading for all of you. :)

It seems like every time I think I am okay with the whole "not being pregnant" thing, something slaps me in the face. For instance, I came home the other night to Morgan telling me that two of our friends are now pregnant. One of them wasn't trying (I don't think.) Earlier that day at work, we found out that one of our OB doctors (she used to be my OB) is pregnant with her third. So in one day I found out that THREE people I know are pregnant. Really? God, seriously. I understand that you might be "testing me" or trying to pull me back closer to You or maybe it's just not our "timing" yet. After all, God DOES know what He's doing!! But how much can one girl handle in a day? Apparently a lot, because amazingly I didn't break down into tears when Morgan told me about two of our friends being pregnant. There are mornings (mainly those mornings when my alarm goes off at 0445) that I am thankful to only have to be responsible for ME! Because sometimes just ME seems more than I can handle because I am NOT a morning person. Although I know it will be different when I have my own precious little sweet pea to take care of. I'm sure I will be desperately yearning to crawl back into bed, but I know a little person relies on me and that means more than anything.

Today I accidentally stumbled upon my friend's sister in law's blog page. Made me a little sad. Why? Because she's pregnant. I read all of her blog and I don't even know her. It was basically about her pregnancy because she started her blog when she found out she was pregnant. Although I am really happy for her, my heart was sad because I would give anything to be blogging about my own experience with my belly growing. I know some day that day will come and it will be the perfect timing!! Not "Laura's" timing, but God's timing.

I found a song on her page that I liked so I had added it to my blog page. As I was scrolling down my page, literally watching my life past before my eyes, I was seeing all of the pictures and posts I have posted a little over a year now. WOW! I started that scroll feeling a little sad, but ended with a thought of "I am so thankful for my life!" I have so many friends and family that love me and I love them. I have a roof over my head, a car that gets me from point A to point B and I never have to worry about it, I have the most supportive husband a girl could ask for, wonderful parents, amazing in laws that keep me laughing, friends to turn to when I feel sad or need to share something funny, a wonderful job, and the list could go on and on and on!!

Deep down I wonder if I am ready to have a baby RIGHT NOW! Why? This is how I know. As desperately as I want a child in my life, I have been dreaming (weekly, almost daily) of our trip to Mexico that never happened due to drug wars and swine flu. We were going to stay at the Excellence Riviera Cancun. It's rated the #1 resort in its area. It's BEAUTIFUL!! Has amazing reviews. I find myself almost every other day stumbling upon the website http://www.tripadvisor.com/ to check out the latest pictures people have posted of the resort. My friend from work, Michelle, is actually there RIGHT NOW as I type away...dreaming of this resort. Earlier this year Michelle was talking about how she was getting married in Mexico. Something was telling me, "DON'T ASK HER! DON'T ASK HER! DON'T ASK HER!" But I did..."Michelle, which resort are you getting married at?" Her response, "Excellence Riviera Cancun." My heart sank because that's where Morgan & I were supposed to go!!! Now she's there RIGHT NOW! Probably sitting on the beach soaking in the rays with a drink in her hand. :) Sounds so nice!! Truly, I am VERY happy for her! She's there for TWO weeks...LUCKY GIRL!! Every time I hear the song, "I've got my toes in the water, a$$ in the sand, not a worry in the world a cold beer (margarita for Laura) in my hand, life is good today...life is good today." I cant' help but imagine Morgan and myself there!!! If we are not pregnant by our 2nd year anniversary, this is where we will be to celebrate! I'm soooo excited!!! A HUGE part of me wants to take one more vacation like this before we have our own little ones. Because once they are here, it most likely won't happen for a MIGHTY long time!!!!!! But if next month I took 10 pregnancy tests (because I know myself, I would not trust the first handful) that all say pregnant...I would be equally (let's be honest, MORE) excited!! We will see...

Hope you are all enjoying this rainy Monday! I made my dad's famous chocolate chip cookies and consumed a little more cookie dough at one time then one human being should!!! :)