Poem

I debated if I should share this with everyone. What I am going through today is personal for me. Today has been a very difficult day for me. I have practically cried all day long off and on. I am not one that cries, but I broke down today. (I'm okay Mom and Dad. :))Probably haven't cried this hard in over 3 years. Morgan and I are finally to the point where we want to start trying to have a child. Morgan was ready from the day we got married, but I wanted to wait a year. It's been a year now so I am ready. I am terrified that we will not be able to get pregnant for several reasons. I have always felt like if God wants us to have children, we will. My biggest fear in life has always been that I will not be able to get pregnant. I think Satin is really playing on that fear of mine today. I know God's timing is perfect. It always has been for my life. God has never let me down. Has He always given me everything I have asked for? No. But in hind sight, that was the best thing for me. He's always guided my life and I have always leaned on Him and searched for His guidance. So why am I so worried now? May it be tomorrow or several years from now, I hope and pray that when God's timing is right for us, we will be blessed with a child. God sees the entire picture for us and wants to protect us. The hardest thing for me is that I think about my parents and Morgan's parents. I want them and our children to really know each other. My mom's mom died a year before I was born and I feel like I missed out on such a great woman. Three of Morgan's grandparents died when he was really young so he never really knew them. I just don't want any of this to happen for our children. Morgan and I are both blessed to have such wonderful parents and the thought of our children never having the chance to really get to know them, breaks my heart. I know this is personal to put on a blog, but I know a lot of our family and friends read this. Please keep us in your prayers that we will understand God's will for our lives be it that we have 5 kids, or no kids. My friend Leigh Taylor sent me this poem today and I found it very inspirational and I hope you do too. I feel so blessed that God has surrounded us with family and friends that know how to lift us up in our time of need and despair.


Desperately, helplessly, longingly I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
and the Master so gently said, Child you must wait.
""Wait? You say, 'wait'! my indignant reply."
Lord I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked and am claiming your word.
My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes' and a go ahead sign,
or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!
Then quietly, softly I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again 'you must wait'.
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "so I'm waiting....for what?"
He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine
And He tenderly said 'I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run
All you seek I could give and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save for a start
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked,
Of an infinite God who makes what you have LAST
You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you!
So be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' it may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, WAIT.