Monday, January 5, 2009

Cowboy Rules!


I am posting this in honor of my sweet, cowboy husband...


1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.


2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.


3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. (THIS ONE CRACKS ME UP BECAUSE IT'S SO TRUE! EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE WE GET STUCK BEHIND ONE OF THESE PEOPLE AND THEY DRIVE SOOOOOO SLOW!!!)


4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go. (OH, THIS IS MORGAN. EVERY TIME IT "SMELLS" NOT SO FRESH, IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN, MORGAN ALWAYS SAYS IT SMELLS LIKE MONEY. ME, PERSONALLY, I THINK IT SMELLS LIKE SOMETHIN' ELSE...HA!)


5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year. (YEP! SO TRUE!)


6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. (TOOK ME A WHILE TO GET USE TO MORGAN WAVING AT EVERYONE AS WE PASSED THEM ON THE ROAD AND THEM ACTUALLY WAVING BACK!!! AT FIRST I ALWAYS ASKED IF HE KNEW THEM AND HE WOULD SAY, "NO, IT'S JUST WHAT WE DO OUT HERE IN THE COUNTRY.")


7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. (THIS DOESN'T APPLY TO HIM, BUT IT'S PRETTY FUNNY TO ME.)


8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.


9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. (THANK GOODNESS THIS DOESN'T APPLY TO MORGAN! I SAID I WOULD NEVER MARRY A HUNTER BECAUSE WHO REALLY WANTS TO BE A WIDOW ON WEEKENDS EVERY FALL? NOT ME!)


10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age. (SO TRUE! SO TRUE!)


11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey. (YEP!!!)


12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah . . We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat . . IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! (I HAVE NEVER, EVER, SEEN SOMEONE USE AS MUCH PEPPER AS MORGAN DOES! IT'S A LITTLE EXCESSIVE IF YOU AS ME. :) LOVE YOU MORGAN!)


13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. (ACTUALLY, MORGAN IS THE FIRST GUY I HAVE EVER KNOWN THAT PREFERS SHORT HAIR...BUT HE DOES LIKE FOR ME TO KNOW HOW TO DRIVE HIS TRUCK. IT'S A LITTLE TO BIG FOR ME, BUT I CAN DRIVE IT.)


14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.


15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.


16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1! (PERSONALLY, I LIKE THIS ONE! HOW CAN ANYONE ENJOY MUSIC THAT IS EXTREMELY LOUD?!!!)

1 comment:

  1. #1 - I am so sick of that, I don't want to look at their underwear, who ever thought that was fashion should be shot!
    KH

    ReplyDelete